Fiction: How Ebola “Salt Solution” Was Discovered

Within 24 hours after the Ebola fear reached Akwa Ibom and Cross Rivers States of the Eastern parts of Nigeria, rumors went wild on the prevention of Ebola Virus Disease using Salt Water for bathing and drinking. This story suggests a typical scenario that must have led to the “discovery” of the “Salt Solution. This is typical of the people of Akwa Ibom and Cross Rivers States. It is written in Efik/Ibibio and translated into English language.

UFOK AKAM PRAYER HOUSE ASSEMBLY INTERNATIONAL

PROPHETESS: Mmmm... Daniel eyen Ima mi

Mmmm… Daniel my beloved son

ASSISTANCE: Obong

My Lord

PROPHETESS: Nso ke ererimbot efefenge?

What is this the world is running from?

ASSISTANCE: Obong Ebola ke ekom ekoot

My Lord, Ebola is what they call it

PROPHETESS: Daniel, ererimbot efide ke ami ndi Obong?

Daniel, has the world forgotten I am the Lord?

ASSISTANCE: Obong ndiòngòke o

Lord I don’t know o

PROPHETESS: Mmmm... Daniel nsi inam Akparawa emi ake ofudoke adi woro Isong emana ami oto Liberia?

Mmmm… Daniel, what happened to the young man that flew into the country from Liberia?

ASSISTANCE: Obong ama akpa, Ebola ake owot enye

Lord, he died, Ebola killed him

PROPHETESS: Mmm... Daniel, odo nte eririmbot efure ke ami nke baka mmoong nnó nditó Israel esanga eboyo?

Mmmm… Daniel, has the world forgotten I divided the sea to allow the Israelites to walk through?

ASSISTANCE: Obong esuk etotoyo

Lord they still remember

PROPHETESS: Daniel, nte ererimbot efure ke ami nke ben mbad ntad nnan eyen?

Daniel, had the world forgotten I used mud to open the eyes of the blind?

ASSISTANCE: Obong etoyo

Lord they remember

PROPHETESS: Daniel tuak da mi ise, nte ererimbot etoyo ke ami nkebo Nneman oduk mmòòng inung abò ubòhò?

Daniel wait, has the world remembered I asked Naaman to enter the sea and get cleansed?

ASSISTANCE: Obong afo akebo.

Lord, you did

PROPHETESS: Ndien nte Nneman ama òbò ubòhò?

And did Naaman get his healing?

ASSISTANCE: Obong enye ama eyere onyung asana.

Lord he bathed and got cleansed

PROPHETESS: Daniel eyen ima mi, yoko oku mi ise

Daniel my beloved son, draw a circle here

ASSISTANCE: Obong ke odudu afo annòhò mien, mme yoko oku (oyoko oku ke isòng)

Lord with the power you give me, I draw a circle here (draws a circle on the floor)

PROPHETESS: Daniel, dùk oku sine

Daniel, enter the circle

ASSISTANCE: Obong mme dùk oku (oduk oku)

Lord I have entered the circle (enters)

PROPHETESS: oh Daniel eyen Ima mi, suuk na ke Oku

 

Oh Daniel my beloved son, lie in the circle

ASSISTANCE: Obong se ami nnaha do (osuuk ana)

Lord see me as I lie (he lies inside the circle)

PROPHETESS: Ohoho, yak ufòk Abasi etua eyot koro Daniel eben Ebola, akpa, onyung oduk udi. Ndien nka akam esin inung ke mmòòng, eno Daniel yak ònwòng, enyung eyet enye idem esie kpasùk ke mmòòng odo.

Ohoho… Let the church cry because Daniel has contacted Ebola, is dead and has entered his grave. Then let the prayer band put salt in water, give it to Daniel to drink and bath him with the same water

Ufok (Church): (etua eyet) Nyaaaaaa ... Nkriiiiii... Nyaaaa

(Cries) Nyaaaaaaa… Nkrriiiiii…. Nyaaaaa

Nka Akam (Prayer Band): Obong imi sin inung ke mmòòng, imi inyung inò Daniel, enye onyung ònwòng kpa nte afo akebo de.

Lord we have put salt in water, we have given Daniel he has drank and has taken his bath as you directed

 

PROPHETESS: Hehehe ... Yak esop edop Uyo.
(Ufok edobo)

 

Hehehe… Let the congregation keep silence (Church mutes)

PROPHETESS: Nka Akam, nte ami ndi Obong?

 

Prayer band, am I the Lord?

Nka Akam: afo odo

 

Yes you are

PROPHETESS: Nte mkpe tang ikò isitippe ke?

 

Do the things I say come to pass?

Nka Akam:: Obong afid ase tippe

Lord all you say happens

 
PROPHETESS: Yak ennò aran ise
(Nka akam enò enye aran)

Give me oil (Prayer band hands him oil)

PROPHETESS: mmmm... Mfin mme fiak nduk unwongo mme Ndito Isreal, nye ben ammò nsanga ke mmòòng inung, edi mmòòng idi benne ammò ... ooooo mme ben Nneman nsin ke mmòòng inung, nyet enye enye asana. Mfin... Oho… dadamammamamariya... Mme ben kpasuk mmòòng inung ado... aiiiiiii... (osio ikwò) ubók odo akenamde, mmi ikpò mkpò ke eset, ubòk odo amadaha ada, ndinam ke eyo mfin ... ekwòòò
(Ufòk ekwò) (Prophetess aben aran asin ke mmòòng inung, asippe Daniel ke isòng ... adippe ubòk yak ikwò odop)

 

Mmmm… Today, I have entered into covenant with the Israelites again, I will walk them through the sea water, but the sea will not take them… Ooooo I will take Naaman again into the Sea water and he will wash clean, today… oho…(speaks in tongues) dadamammamamariya... I have taken that same sea water… aiiii… (sings) that hand that did great things in the ancient times, that hand has risen up to do same today… sing

(Church sings) (Prophetess carries the oil and mix with the salt water, springles it on Daniel on the floor… raises her hands for the song to stop)

PROPHETESS: Yak ufòk edop ata uyio ise (ufòk adobbo nte ekim, Asibidit adippe ufòk ammò enyung etua enyung edop)

Let the church keep grave silent (Church keeps silent like the night, the people started speaking in tongues shaking their body and muted)

PROPHETESS: Mamariya... Oku eyen ima mi

Mamariya… Pastor my beloved son

Oku (Pastor): Obong

Lord

PROPHETESS: Oku da ise mme nka akam, ekod anying udòngò emi, mme ebòdòk ke ekot mme Ebola, ekoot enying emi, etop enye ke ikang Edem enyòng ika tiaba ise.

Pastor stand with the Prayer Band, call the name of the disease, whether Ebodok or Ebola, call it into the air, shoot it with the holy gun seven times.

Nka Akam: Ebola (edippe ubòk ekamma nte ikang, etop) tawai tawai tawai tawai tawai ko koi

Ebola (carries their hands like guns and shoots) tawai tawai tawai tawai tawai ko koi

PROPHETESS: Oku eyen ima mi, duk oku sio Daniel ke udi ise...mmmmmmm... (osio ikwò ufòk ekene ekwò) tukke oyobio, yak edim adeb, tuke oyobio, yak edim adeb, tuke oyobio, yak edim adeb, edim ama adeb, isòng aya òfòn mkpò (adippe ubòk yak ufòk edop uyio) koro mfin mme dot ubòk ke mmòòng inung, edieke ererimbot eyehe Idem, enyung enwòng mmòòng inung, ami nye benne udòngò Ebòdòk ami nsio ke idem mbufo. Tang dukkò afid Idung... (osio ikwò ufòk ekene ekwò) ami mmeyòng yak emem mmi abuana ye mbufo, ami mmeyòng yak emem mmi abuana ye mbufo (prophetess anyòng ake tie ke mkpò itie, adaya)...
(Oku oduk oku adippe Daniel ke isòng osio ke oku)

Pastor my beloved son, remove Daniel from the grave…mmmmmm… (sings and the church joins) instead of hurricane, let it rain, instead of hurricane, let it rain, instead of hurricane, let it rain, when it rains, the ground will be fertile (raises her hands to signal a stop) because today I have anointed the salt water, if the world bathes with it and drinks it, I will take away Ebodok (Ebola) from you. Tell the world…(sings and the church joins) I am going, let my peace be with you, I am going, let my peace be with you (Prophetess leaves and sits on a chair and sleeps)

Oku: mfin mme dippe eririmbot nsio ke udòngò Ebola ke odudu mmòòng inung kpa nte Obong òdòhòde ke enying ete, ye eyen, ye edisana sibidit

 

Today I have taken the world from Ebola Virus Disease with the power in the salt water according to the directions of the Lord in the name of the father and of the son and of the holy spirit

Ufòk (Church): ameeeeeeen

Amen

Oku: Ndien yak ufòk etang ke Facebook, ke Twitter, ke Instagram, ke AKBC mme radio, ke ekpa ekòk Ebola ema eye idem mme, enyung enwòng mmòòng inung.

Then tell the world, say it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, AKBC TV, Radio that Ebola can be cured by drinking and bathing with salt water.

This was PERHAPS the story.

NOTE: This is purely fictitious.

Tuskers Republic: The Law of Karma, the fate of a disunited Union

Yesterday the atmosphere of the Tuskers Republic, the Student Union of the University of Uyo, Nigeria became tensed following the outcome of the plenary of the Students Union House of Representatives, the Legislative arm of the Students Union Government that impeached the President of the Union, Comr. Ndianabasi Ekong following what the house considered as gross misconducts.

To explain the law of Karma, this paragraph is necessary. The incumbent SUG were elected into offices on March this year. Comr. Ndianabasi Ekong emerged as the winner of the Presidency in the elections – a process many described as selection as the popular aspirants Comr. Isaac Udofia from the Faculty of Engineering and Comr. Mfon Umoh from the School of Continuing Education were allegedly screened out by relevant authorities without reason in order to favor Comr. Ekong. They were not called to appear before the Electoral Board for investigations or fair hearing on any form(s) of petition against them that might have warranted their disqualification.  In the House of Representatives elections, Comr. Ekong was alleged to have worked so much against the emergence of Hon. Comr. Idara Bassey from the Faculty of Engineering as the Speaker of the House as he suspected that Isaac Udofia and the Engineering Faculty must have sponsored Hon. Comr. Bassey to become the Speaker and help frustrate his government. At the in-house elections, Hon. Comr. Bassey on suspecting fowl play had called for a recount of votes but Comr. Ekong rose against a recount and proceeded to install the incumbent speaker.

According to a Member of the House of Representatives, the House found it proper to impeach Comr. Ekong to save the Union after several allegations against him were found to be true. On the first allegation, Comr. Ekong, he said, has withdrawn over N900,000 from the Union purse without the consent of the House. The first withdrawal he claimed was reported to the House and Comr. Ekong was warned and forgiven, this second withdrawal showed his lack of regards to the Legislature. It is worthy of note that the constitution stipulates the President can only withdraw a maximum of N5,000 without the approval of the House. On the second charge he said, that Comr. Ekong has been hijacking the Union to dump on Macro Politicians platforms and impersonating the office of the Speaker and some Executive members in the process. In quotes he said “Imagine the President going on courtesy calls to politicians to get money. One of such was a visit to OBA and he was like… I am the President, this one is the speaker of the House, this one is a Director, this one is the Secretary General… when in fact the speaker has not appeared in any of those meetings…”. On the third charge, the House also accused the President and the Attorney General of inaugurating the Judiciary again without the approval of the House. The Union constitution mandates the House to screen the nominees for the Judiciary and approve of them before they could be sworn in. These and many more accumulated to the impeachment of the President.

On contacting a member of the Executive Council who promised to publish her own side of the story soon, she maintained that Comr. Ekong remains the president. In her words “It is a rumor. We are having serious issues with the parliament. They now prepare budget for us. They impeach anytime they feel like. Things are not just going well… Yes they issued us a letter that he (Comr. Ekong) has been impeached. One on the grounds of going out on visits. Two on the use of Union’s money without approval from House. Three that Excos members complain. Four that He inaugurated the judiciary without their approval. But the problem is that a person can only be impeached when he is found guilty. He was never called to appear before them, no commitment to investigate, no fair hearing, they just sit with a few members of the House and impeached the President”.

At a meeting with a prime supporter of Isaac Udofia Campaign Group a week ago, he said “If you check very well, all the people that stood to disqualify Isaac Udofia unfairly are being punished by themselves, all of them. I will not count them but we know them. Check very well. Those that screened him out to favor Ndianabasi are being marginalized by the same Ndianabasi. Mention them. All of them. Even Ndianabasi is walking on people’s doors collecting money in the name of courtesy call… SUG President! We know how much we spent and the prayers we prayed. It is not finished. They ain’t seeing nothing yet. They still have time to cry in the government.”

Meanwhile the School Management led by two Deputy Vice Chancellors and the Dean of Students have called for a meeting with the Union Officials. The hope of the meeting is unknown. But the questions now are: Will the House reverse her decision? What integrity will be accorded the Parliament if they do so? Does the constitution make provisions for House U-turns on decisions? Will Emerald Ekarika the Vice President of the Union make history by becoming the First inaugurated Female President of the Tuskers Republic?

The law of Karma states that whatever you do unto others will be done unto you…

TRIBUTE TO THE TYPICAL NIGERIAN LOVER –Mbosowo Akai

HE Lives each day trying to please his woman,he may hav other girls but he places no one above her,his wish above all things is peace. He can't go a day without her,he views her PMS secretly praying for her to be fine.

When she cries for no reason,he yells at her not out of hatred but so she should learn how to be strong in case he is not around.

He keeps his phone away just so she'd not be sad and he can't really figure out why she is always on the look out..he tries to remember all relevant dates,but since it's more than one,he gets confused, in other not to mess it up with a mistake.

While she is asleep,he opens his eyes, fix his gaze upon her and he is happy to have found such a pretty woman.she is in love,she is his life,and he wish he can go to the roof top to say it but the words would not just come.

He is constantly wishing he could rip open his heart and show her so she would see that the other girls, the phone calls,the messages,the chats,dont take her place.they are just bad habits which he needs her cooperation to overcome.

His whole world revolves around her,but in a rather qeer way,different from what is written in those books..

And then despite all her nagging, screaming,trailing,and monitoring him,he is most likely prepared to stay with her,because to him...she is the mother of his unborn kids.

HAVE YOU MET HIM YET? HE IS THE TYPICAL NIGERIAN GUY, THE ONE WE ALL GRUMBLE ABOUT YET CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT.

Mbosowo Akai is a Student of English Studies in the University of Uyo.

Assam/Udom Media War: Sampson Ubong joins the battle. Here is a copy of his message to Udom.

UDOM: BEFORE THE ARRIVAL OF MORE LETTERS…
BY UBONG SAMPSON
It is a very popular story, though I have heard it in different versions; but your preferred version, or the ones you have heard notwithstanding, the comprehensive summary of the story has it that the woman who ran out of the stream naked in pursuit of a mad man who took away her clothes had erred greatly- an act she paid dearly for.
For those who are not or not too familiar with the story, it is about a certain woman who stopped by a stream in a hot afternoon to cool off her severely heated skin. And she was still in the stream enjoying the effect of condensation on her previously burning skin, when a passing mad man made away with her clothes.
As expected of any sane person, the said woman, having found herself in such situation, only would have remained in the stream, while hoping that someone gets to hear her raised alarm and consequently meets her rescue. But sadly, her “common sense” was not enough to guide her properly, as she ran after the mad man (still naked) through the farm tracks and to the express.
Well, a certain version of the story claims that both the mad man and his victim were apprehended by some members of the community who bundled them to a psychiatric home; but my own version could not see any reason(s) why the mad man could have been bundled, owing to his appearance which obviously had showed his level of experience in the madness business. Rather, my version claims that the people had suspected the woman to have just lost her sense and as a result, decided to help her get urgent psychiatric attention before she crosses the market gate. And upon being held, not even her loud screams of “I am not mad” could save her. After all, how many of the mad people do admit being mad. But then, to the woman, it was a sad and humiliating experience, one will agree.
Having had so much distractions contributively from the many attacks by Boko Haram, impeachment wars, zoning fuss (particularly Akwa Ibom), and most recently, the epidemic of Ebola virus; we had almost lost memory of the open letter writing saga, as re-introduced by our dear 2-time ruler, ex-president Olusegun Obasanjo as a new tool of political communication; but for the magnanimity of a supposed distinguished and honoured senior advocate of Nigeria who is currently serving Nigeria in Russia on an ambassadorial appointment that would have better off been an exile, and who just recently reminded us of Baba’s solace-finding way of expressing political frustrations in the name of letter writing.
In the said letter which had the Akwa Ibom State’s secretary to government, Udom Emmanuel as recipient; Chief Assam Assam (SAN) had taken so much time to recount his life’s frustration and ridiculously, made efforts to put his onetime boss, now political arch rival, if not enemy, Godswill Akpabio (Governor) at the centre of blames for his frustrations… just like a drowning man will always mistake stripes for straws.
Trust me, I had wished to ignored that great show of comic talent by our dear ambassador, or better still, recommend it to the entertainment world as a good show for comic relief, but for another part of the letter where Chief Assam had so much confidence in his fantasy-like guber dream. Truth be told that after reading the Assam letter to Udom Emmanuel, I could not help wondering if there are other means one can become governor in a democratic setting without being voted for, because aside the non-electoral process (that’s if any), Assam’s guber ambition for all I know, will only end within his illusive mind, as was ever borne.
However, considering my version of the story, and juxtaposing same with the recently launched open letter war between Chief Assam and Udom Emmanuel, I need not explain who is playing the role of the mad man and that of the woman in the stream. But if I must play the role of the interveners, then I will have to ignore the already known mad man and save the woman who perhaps, is not truly mad, but only mistaken to be due to the situation.
As much as I understand Udom’s desire to prove to both Chief Assam and every other person that even bankers, especially professional ones of international repute as he claims to be, are equally good in letter writing, why he had to issue a reply to such a letter and to a figure as controversial as Chief Assam is what I am yet to comprehend. And owing to a deceptive thought that crept into my mind, I was about asking him (Udom) to sack the very aide that suggested to him the idea of replying Chief Assam, when a certain part of the reply letter gave me a counter proof that both the idea of issuing a reply and the letter of reply proper could only have been the handwork of Udom. But should the earlier thought in my mind be true, then while the later may be affirming Assam’s claim of Udom being a stranger in his own land, the said thought will only present the adviser to be either not an Akwa Ibomite or an Akwa Ibomite who had spent almost all his lifetime in diaspora.
Be that as it may, Udom erred by ever conceiving or buying the idea of replying Assam. At least, if he had avoided chasing Assam in his nakedness, maybe he would not have exposed his ignorance in public… ignorance that misled him into believing his benefactor, Governor Akpabio who must have told him the glorified lie that he (the governor) exacted no revenge, following the PDP/ACN clash that sadly consumed lives and properties in Ikot Ekpene and Uyo in 2011. And I am sure Uncle Udom must have been overseas at that time, because even non-Akwa Ibomites in Lagos and other parts of the country heard of, and can still narrate the story before, during the after the clash. Only if he had ignored Chief Assam, maybe this would still have been a secret.
As blame-deserving as the woman in the story was, Udom, the supposed only sane person in this context knew of Assam’s letter writing antecedents, yet still considered another letter from an unrepentant Assam reply-deserving, even with its glaringly ill intentions and inciting nature.
Also in the letter of reply, Udom at a point, got so carried away by emotions that he barely knew when he robbed modesty of its due regards by reminding us once again of his ‘intimidating’ profile. Same profile we have been reading in prints for over a year now; or maybe we were yet to hear from the horse’s month.
Again Uncle Udom in his letter had accused Chief Assam of having lacked love for, and believe in his state- a convert reason he spent over four(4) decades (40 years) contributing to the development of a foreign land without mounting as small as a bungalow in his state of origin. This is a well known fact. But then, how right is it when pots refer to kettles as black, even as black as they equally are? As bad as Uncle Udom wants us to believe Chief Assam is in this regard, can he show us the seeds he sowed in the state that are of general benefit to the state? Okay! At least he owns a bungalow in the state, and in that case, he has less black stains than Assam.
The good and interesting thing discovered in this movie of open letter writing is that Udom, like a brilliant student that he is, is fast learning politics and so importantly, adapting to the dirtiness of its nature. Udom, by counter-attacking Assam, has, whether knowingly or the reverse, proven how much he desires the Hilltop Mansion job and how much determined he is to pass through the process of getting there. But that notwithstanding, if he would ever be given the chance; it will certainly not be based on his economy transformation outcry. After all, with all the records and international connections he has been making boasts of, why did he not show us little examples by partnering the state on some small scale investments, irrespective of how little of an effect it would have had on the economy? Or did he just realize he is from Akwa Ibom State?
Summarily, now that Udom has shown his capacity to read, understand and reply letters accordingly, I hope he will be able to reply all the letters underway, because having gone out naked in chase of a mad man, I am seeing the same mad man who must have enjoyed the first show returning for a rematch, or perhaps from other mad men who possibly felt unhappy missing the first show and may likely attempt creating similar shows for themselves. I so hope Udom is ready to bear the stigma that will follow when he is done showing off all the nakedness in him. I really do hope.
CULLED FROM THE SINE QUA NON COLUMN OF COMMUNITY PULSE NEWSPAPER (TUESDAY, August 05 edition); AND WRITTEN BY UBONG SAMPSON, A PUBLIC/POLITICAL AFFAIRS ANALYST.